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How to be annoying at the office

1. Reply to everything someone says with "thats what you think".
2. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
3. Sing along at the opera.
4. Finish all your sentences with "accordance to prophesy".
5. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the
impression that you'll be saying more.
6. Never make eye contact.
7. Meow occasionally.
8. Walk around with a cooler that say "human head" on the side.
9. In a lift, draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passeners that this is your "personal space."
10. Announce in a crowded place, in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
11. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
12. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
13. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!".
14. Steal a large quantity of traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
15. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
16. Ask people what gender they are.


How to recognise when you're getting older

1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
3. You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.
4. Your little black book contains only names ending in M. D.
5. You get winded playing cards.
6. You join a health club and don't go.
7. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
8. You look forward to a dull evening.
9. You need glasses to find your glasses.

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
12. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
13. Your back goes out more than you do.
14. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest.
15. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.