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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."Emo Philips

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." Douglas Adams.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Rita Mae Brown.

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."George Gobol.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."WC Fields.

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."
Robert Orben.

"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies."Adrienne Gusoff.

"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." Jeff Marder.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." Dick Cavett.

 

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."Dave Edison.

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy.

"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label" Mark Twain

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." Edgar Wallace.

"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." Patrick Murray.

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two." George Burns.

"I like children – fried." W.C. Fields.

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry.

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers." Daniel J. Boorstin.

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree." Spike Milligan

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